Tuesday, February 5th -My Final Chapter.-

Guilt. Bruises. Pain. Disgust. Remorse.
Mainly guilt.

It flooded from every direction the next day, with the impending desire to puke. I had everything with my relationship with Charlie, he made everything right. And now it was all fucked up because of my decision.

My decision. I guess that’s what really factors in everything that goes on. Things in life tinker on perfectly until one decision. One thing that you’ll remember for life, that you’ll no doubt regret. You’ll long for change.

I broke up with him that day, though I’m not sharing the rest of the story. Sure, I’ll finish it. I’m not doing another half ass job. But it will be written in my own journal, my own safe haven which will not be shared with others.

Again, my decision. I gave no one else in this story any bit of respect when sharing my tale. No bit of privacy, care, or love. I gave nothing, as I was only thinking of myself.

I have come to the conclusion that I make shitty decisions.

And I make no promise for better in the future, because I don’t know what’s going to happen. But I do know I won’t make the same mistake twice. I will not cheat. I will share. I won’t take another take control of me. He disguised himself. I hate him.

I will not consider cutting a mistake, because I’ve yet to see that it is one. And I have seen the consequences in drinking, something I will take a long pause in.

I have shared in the fact I love both characters in different ways. I suppose I loved the way the Tristan character loved me. Loved me until he didn’t want to let go. But I didn’t love him in that way back. He scared me. I honestly don’t want him near me again. Im scared ill hurt, and I’m keeping a distance. I can promise that.

As far as the Charlie character, he’s shown me more than I’ve ever seen in any other human before. Selflessness, courage, beauty, fun, hope, need, trust. And love. Lots of love.
Yet, I can’t change what’s happened, and what’s been lost is now gone.

If you want to hear fiction stories, feel free to ask. I’ll post them. I’m not sharing my personal mistakes to the world anymore, especially in a way such as this.
<3.